I waited and waited for things to get better but they never do. It has gotten to the point that I am unable to ignore the toxic environment I am in right now for 5 days a week, 9 hours a day.
Every morning I wake up, I groan inwardly, the sense of dread sneaking up on me before I roll out of bed and head for a shower.
It's almost like I had returned to primary school, when I had to bring less than satisfactory results back. Or, like those days when I had PE lessons in secondary school. I had really hated running at that time (and now still -__-). Hated it so much that everytime I think of running I tend to hyperventilate a bit. YES IT IS THAT BAD. This was even one of the few reasons I forgo taking the JC route.
As I was saying, I am feeling more often than not this way these days >:(
Are making mistakes, really that unforgivable? When did pointing fingers all around became the best way to solve a problem? What renders me speechless is when I always try to erase the black marks for fellow people, I get stabbed right at the back when they didn't want the vulture's limelight on them. How very wonderful instead.
Is it all of a sudden, I am making too many mistakes, or is it all of a sudden, I am expected to make ZERO mistakes at all?
Some situations, I felt so helpless in because I am unable to come up with a good explanation. What am I expected to say? My mind draws a blank and I start blaming people. The bitter feelings grow and even as I tell myself to ignore the negative feelings, I can't help but feel that it is wearing me down.
Feel so disgusted, sick and tired of all these.
There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day
Malacca trip with classmates
Saturday, November 07, 2009
It was truly an unforgettable trip. Good and bad things happened, and I was rather affected by it. Or rather, most of us were affected. Shall try to forget about all the unhappy things and focus on the FUN we had!
Headed straight into Malaysia right after our exams. Stupid Malaysian customs wanted us to give them $$ @#$(#YQ&#Q@Q)#4
Spot me all ready for sleep HAHAHAH. but then I didn't manage to sleep cuz they kept talking. Plus, I am always hyper before a trip.
First stop was at some ulu place for seafood.
Didn't order too much cuz we were planning to head to the night market for more food.
Because I kept procrastinating, I didn't manage to go to a money-changer! I guess it's a good thing, otherwise I would have prob ended up with a lot more items.
Had carrot cake, egg tarts, ice-blended drinks as well. yay for good food, boo to the calories!
and I am not the one who is always ready for a photo! It's Jasmine!
I wonder what I was telling her in that photo teehees. Oh and thank goodness for ah qiang's cardigan! Came in useful quite a number of times esp during KTV.
Headed back to En's penthouse as we were unable to find places for KTV during the night.
It was our dear Youyi's birthday.
Hope he liked the birthday cake and the gift we got him!
And because we are monster, we went down for Lok Lok!
Being a Msian noob, I stared at the vehicle and wondered how do I order. Turns out that you choose what you want and then cook it yourself!
There was a club beside the van, but no clubbing because we were all in our PJ's already!
spot me in my specs!
It was the usual drinking games, and I had fun mixing the drinks. Pouring drinks for other people has always been one of my favourite things to do lol....
With like 5 bottles of liquor, it was no wonder that a number of them got drunk and things just went downhill >:(
No way are we going to let Kim get drunk again. He destroyed a lot of things around the house!
I dont think he will get himself that drunk too. Oh well, people need to learn their lessons the hard way. I learnt mine the hard way too *cringes* People, please please just drink enough to get high and party the night away, not end up being a merlion, sprouting rubbish, kissing strangers and all.
Look at him rolling around -___-"
And finally morning was here! Didn't even manage to catch 1 hour of sleep! Mad tired.
And everyone were sorta like walking zombies, talking and all. So I kept ordering people around.
"ask u all to shower still take photo of me?!"
But thankfully, they were rather....obedient! hahahaha...
cutest couple in our class (^o^)
Headed for chicken rice ball.
Oh gosh, embarressing things happened. Youyi trying to wrap the chicken in the riceball and me laughing at the waiter all the time he was standing behind me. The silly things we do, I totally blame it on the lack of sleep!
And finally KTV!
Dragged Rongyao to stand on sofa with me heheheheh.
My shades def look better on me!
Oh and can you guess the dance we did?
"I want nobody nobody but YOU!"
random photo, totally shows how tired I am.
There's always so much I want to say, but when I stare at my com, I go blank. Maybe, all the things that I want to say is too personal. Things like I miss you.......yet I know I shouldn't! Am I regretting? No I dont think so.........I must not, and will not. It's a road we both choose, and pride keeps us going on.
were we always meant to say goodbye?
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Got a surprise gift yesterday.
much appreciated =))
And now, these lovelies accompany me during my work!
will blog about Malacca soon!
The Bodyshop Atrium Sale
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I read about it on the forum and I went with the intention of getting ONE shower gel.
Look what I ended up with!
It is not A LOT right? But they were really good deals so I can't resist. Spent ~$80+. Got a free gift worth ~$20, and a $20 voucher off my next purchase so I technically paid $40+ for my own stuffs SO YES THEY ARE REALLY WORTH IT YAY!
Let me show you my new goodies. So excited to use them all!
Satsuma range
It smells freaking good! No idea what fruit this is till I just googled and came up with 蜜柑. I know I am damn kaisu to buy 2 shower gels but then it's only $5! I am thinking of going back to buy like 5 more hahahah.
Small bottles are 5 for $10! So in addition to my satsuma lotion I got these.
And because I am a sucker in getting things in set, I got the pink grapefruit body scrub too (together satsuma body polish) which was 2 for $10.
Always wanted to try out their tea tree oil range! I wouldn't say tea tree is a miracle but then it helps to prevent breakouts for me. So I got the scrub, blemish stick and concealer. Scrub wasn't on discount though! The other 2 was on 40% off.
Didn't know why I got the lipbalm though when I hate things in a pot but it was too cute to resist.
Raspberry body scrub smells so yummy. Can't find the shower gel and lotion, might be going back to hunt!
If you spend $65 and above you get this sample set.
I suppose it's good for travelling. Plus there's shampoo and conditioner! Good chance to try them out. *discards thoughts of the new essential shampoo I just bought when my FAST shampoo is not finished*
And I got $20 voucher! I have already decided on getting a hair brush ^^
It is my exam this Sat. After exam, will be heading to Malacca with the classmates. I know I haven't been blogging about my life but then there's nothing much interesting actually. Posted shitload of photos on Facebook though, and still has a whole shitload of photos yet to upload LOL. It's just clubbing stuffs. Looking forward to Halloween next week though! Haven't decided on costumes yet I AM SO DEAD.
Bah! Need more $$$$$$$.
Emotional Intelligence
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is somewhat poor. People who score like you may at times feel that they have trouble dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They sometimes struggle to overcome difficulties in their lives and they are not always able to control their moods. It may be hard for them to understand how best to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions difficult at times, for several reasons. They may have trouble allowing themselves to get close with others, finding it difficult to be vulnerable enough to establish intimacy or perhaps lacking understanding of, or comfort with, social interactions. Perhaps by working on your problem areas, you can become more confident in dealing with your own emotions and those of others.
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I dont know what is my problem areas but I dont deny that this test is pretty accurate. In addition, I really find it difficult expressing myself in terms of how I feel -__- Somehow a lot of times, people do not understand what I am trying to say, and I am f* lazy to explain. Plus, I just have this feeling that if i explain how I feel, and go too much into it, I will just end up looking stupid. No why.
So, I am enjoying my life as a single now. the thought of never having to enter a serious r/s is very tempting. Watched 500 days of Summer yesterday and I feel Summer. Her thoughts are so.......right. What is love anyway? Have you felt it? Love is just a fantasy for fools. Have anyone of you really met THE ONE?
seriously, i feel that I dont belong in this world at all.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Most classic story of the happy tree friends gossiping.
While waiting for the cars to pass before we can jay-walk safely to get to Minori, Fangyi notices a Gold 90.5 sticker on the car in front of us.
I cannot remember what we said, but we went on about the guy being too young to listen to this kinda music, and what kinda music we listen to and what the guy should listen to........
all these while the guy is actually innocently just less than 1meter away waiting to make a right turn.
LOL. random.
will post up bday celebration pictures soon! i am sooooo slow this time round! lots of stuffs going on and i have my assignment to do! gah.
Bday Celebration Part II
Saturday, October 03, 2009
My favourite cake used to be blackforest but ever since I had this cake at Winna Ho's birthday party I fell in love with it. The cream is so light and the strawberries are glazed. Ultra sweet! <3
Naturally I would request for my mom to buy me this cake for my birthday. Headed over to my auntie's house. It is a Mid-Autumn festival + my cousin's bday + my bday gathering.
It was eat and gambling. I dig the bbq food but not the gambling =/ plus they kept smoking non-stop! gosh~
with my cute niece Vanessa!
Look at how enthu everyone was! But they actually had evil plans in mind. which is to smash both of our faces into the cake >:(
And look at how we ended up -__-
Yes my little cousin got it so much worse than me. so poor thing. we both wanted to cry on the spot so much lor hahahahaha.....
thank goodness the "nightmare" is over already......................................didn't get to eat the cake in the end. too disgusted and upset. bah! the smell of cake on your hair is soooo damn annoying.
